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I wish I did not care so much sometimes

This is not news to anyone, I am a grown adult that still gets affected by her parent's arguments and silence. My younger brother is very busy all the time and does get involved until after things are looking better. My oldest brother chooses to not let it bother him. He just keeps living. I wish I could make myself not care too. It sounds horrible and thankfully I have learned to let them figure out their small disagreements and not jumping in quickly to explain qhat the other person meant to say or their intentions to give them perspective. I am proud of myself for step back, but there are times when it gets hard, I worry. My mother is very prideful to the point that it's very rare for her to admit she was wrong or readjust her thinking. We (my brothers and I) have talked to her about her habit of going to defensive mode and not listening and we have told her that it is okay to admit you were mistaken, it would not diminish her character. But she is who she is. My ...
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Parents

I know I am not the only person who gets hurt and tired of hearing their parents fight.  I even know that my case is not the worst, and unfortunately, some children have it worse.  I am not a child. I am a grown adult, but even to this day, sometimes I want to cry. I want to give you a brief history of my parents so that you can better understand them.  My parents were around my age when they got together and had my older brother. My mother had to co-habit with her mother-in-law, who was very critical of her. My mother ended up earning my grandmother's respect and love, though. A lot of things happened to us when we were younger, and my mother became a strong savior for us.  My father left the country to work, and we did not see him for 10 years. I was about 2-3 years old when he left, my memories were vague, and people change through hardships. That's what happened to my mother. She stopped being the shy country young girl and became a woman who h...

Coming back

I am starting to go back to a stable routine. I want to start completing more homework and complete my course early. I have been gone from the blog for a while now. After being sick for weeks now,  I am trying to catch up with all my postpone plans and obligations. It has been interesting, tiring and trying but I still have high hopes. I am going to complete most of my plans before the year ends. 

feeling irritated

I currently have a mild headache. I thought that it was related to my cold but it might due to hunger which is weird I don't usually get hungry this early but I am planning to get something soon. Also, it is not helping our neighbor's teenage son likes loud music. He has been playing loud music for more than an hour. I understand that it is a harmless hobby and joy but when you are sick and have a headache that the last thing you need is hearing booming sounds for long periods of time. I have to restrain myself from going to them and asking nicely to please lower the volume. It is a bit much for me to want to do that but I am human enough to admit it. I am not perfect. Have you ever felt irritated about something trivial like this?

I am not a party person

I went to a wedding reception yesterday with my parents and my two brothers. I was able to greet someone of my cousins and share a few laughs, but it was a struggle to keep a happy demeanor all night. I am not an extrovert, and I don't enjoy peer pressure to participate when I don't want so you can imagine how horrible it is to have your relatives putting you on the spot and telling you to dance when you don't want to and feel like a bad person for refusing. It is not good. But I was not pressured last night which I am grateful. I am still sick so I wanted to come home a few minutes after we arrived. I am proud of myself for staying strong and not making my family leave early than they wished.

Emotions

I struggle with emotional situations. I know what you are thinking, WTF? Every day things require our emotional input.   It is strange because, during a health emergency, I am usually the one to get the situation in control and tell my family members to snapped out of it when they go in hysteria.  However, when everything is done. I am left unstable, and no one notices. I don't know why I never ask for help? No, that's a lie. I do know. I rather, they not worry or have another thing to worry about.  I choose to deal with it alone.  I need to stop doing that. I think that I need to have a talk with my family. I need to tell them to check up on me later. It might help them. It will give them something to do.  My father just found out that my uncle (his brother) fainted at his work. We don't know anything else. We have not been able to communicate with him. My dad is distraught and worry. I hate it. Not only because I can understand t...