Emotions

I struggle with emotional situations.

I know what you are thinking, WTF? Every day things require our emotional input.  

It is strange because, during a health emergency, I am usually the one to get the situation in control and tell my family members to snapped out of it when they go in hysteria. 

However, when everything is done. I am left unstable, and no one notices. I don't know why I never ask for help? No, that's a lie. I do know. I rather, they not worry or have another thing to worry about. 

I choose to deal with it alone. 

I need to stop doing that. I think that I need to have a talk with my family. I need to tell them to check up on me later. It might help them. It will give them something to do. 

My father just found out that my uncle (his brother) fainted at his work. We don't know anything else. We have not been able to communicate with him. My dad is distraught and worry. I hate it. Not only because I can understand the agony but because when he is worried about something, he turns mean and takes out his frustration with anyone who tries to help. My mother likes to help and make suggestions, and I just know that he is going to say something insensitive, and they will fight. 

My father is an awesome person, but there is ugly in him too. I have grown to accept it. I used to think that I could encourage him to change some of his ways, but it was wrong. If a person does not want to change, they will never. He has told me on multiple occasions that that's how he is and to have patience with him. I then would say to him that he asks for forgiveness too quickly. He says sorry, but that's it. I know he means it, but he does not make efforts to avoid making the same mistake. But as I said, I can't keep expecting him to transform into this other person. This is not to say that I will give up and let him off the hook when he does something mean. But I can't carry that responsibility for him. I shouldn't. 

I have two older siblings, and they deal with things differently. My older brother can't be bothered; he lets mom and dad be, and rarely, if ever, does he get involved. I wish he did. He has a lot of influence with dad and mom. My younger brother has decided that creating distance is the answer, and no, I don't mean physical distance (although he is rarely around too) but emotional distance. I worry about him because this new habit has extended to my older brother and me too. It hurts. 

Growing up hurts. The three of us used to be so close, and I know we still love each other, and we love each other for a long time. But our relationship is changing, and I don't want it to change. But I know that it is not up to me. 

I hope to have the maturity to confront change and the tolerance to deal with our family problems. 

I am worried about my uncle and his health. But I am even more worry about my dad's emotional state. He has to go to work tonight, and I hope he does not hurt himself because his mind will be somewhere else.