Parents

I know I am not the only person who gets hurt and tired of hearing their parents fight. 

I even know that my case is not the worst, and unfortunately, some children have it worse. 

I am not a child. I am a grown adult, but even to this day, sometimes I want to cry.

I want to give you a brief history of my parents so that you can better understand them. 

My parents were around my age when they got together and had my older brother. My mother had to co-habit with her mother-in-law, who was very critical of her. My mother ended up earning my grandmother's respect and love, though. A lot of things happened to us when we were younger, and my mother became a strong savior for us. 

My father left the country to work, and we did not see him for 10 years. I was about 2-3 years old when he left, my memories were vague, and people change through hardships. That's what happened to my mother. She stopped being the shy country young girl and became a woman who had a strong voice and defender of others. She learned to be independent. 

When we reunited as a family. It was hard for my father to accept my mother. He kept saying she was not the same. I told him that I was sure he changed too and that he either needs to get to know her now and decide if he wants to be together. It is irrational for him to expect her to be the same. He has a brusque personality. He has little patience, my mother became harsh too. She tends to have aburst too but not as often as a dad. I have told them that all they have to do is listen to the other person, and even if they don't agree that they should let the other person finish and then say their side. 

They are the type of people who lose focused on their priorities, it becomes less about clearing miss understandings or finding a solution to I am right, and you are wrong. It is tiring to listen to them fight. 

I am aware that I can't change them if they aren't willing to change and that as an adult, I need to let them be, but sometimes I can't help it. 

I find myself jumping in and explaining each other's arguments and their intent, and I clear the misunderstanding, and they go, "oh, so that's what I was saying."

I have been getting less involved for my own sanity, but sometimes I want some peace and quiet. 

They don't fight every day, and it never gets physical, but sometimes I am left wondering "why is it that we hurt people we love and treat others so well?", I don't understand.

I am not perfect. I have a lapse of judgments, but I pride myself in not being so prideful and arrogant, I learn to admit it and apologize. I don't feel less about it, but some people can't do it. 

I want to learn and be better and not be so judgmental, but I am human, and it is unavoidable sometimes. 

I have never been interested in marriage. Let me correct that I feel afraid of getting involved with someone and end up like my parents. I want to stop feeling that way. But it is hard. 

I know that just because some relationships end and end bad, does not mean mine will, but it is scary to give someone my trust and be disappointed. 

Have you ever felt like that?