I wish I did not care so much sometimes

This is not news to anyone, I am a grown adult that still gets affected by her parent's arguments and silence.

My younger brother is very busy all the time and does get involved until after things are looking better.

My oldest brother chooses to not let it bother him. He just keeps living.

I wish I could make myself not care too. It sounds horrible and thankfully I have learned to let them figure out their small disagreements and not jumping in quickly to explain qhat the other person meant to say or their intentions to give them perspective. I am proud of myself for step back, but there are times when it gets hard, I worry.

My mother is very prideful to the point that it's very rare for her to admit she was wrong or readjust her thinking. We (my brothers and I) have talked to her about her habit of going to defensive mode and not listening and we have told her that it is okay to admit you were mistaken, it would not diminish her character. But she is who she is.

My father is also prideful but his problem is that he is too comfortable saying sorry so quickly and expects to be forgiven. Also, he is very emotional, he tends to take things personally. For example, my mother was sorting through the laundry clothes and she made a comment about his shoes being in the way. He quickly got up and went to his room and stop talking to everyone. Later, he told me what happened. I simply stared at him and told him that he is entitled to feel hurt and offended and it is good that he decided to cool off but he should also is wrong for giving everyone the silent treatment and allowing little things to become this huge problem. I could have easily expressed how my mother had offended him and then have an honest conversation with her.

I know I sound like an idiot and someone who spends too much time overanalyzing her parents. I am guilty but it is hard not to.

Sometimes, I feel like an unpaid and unqualified psychologist or marriage counselor. I am unqualified because for one, I have not studied psychology and I have never been married. But if you or any normal human hears some of their arguments (or as I called them "disagreements"), you would lose it.

Last year, they decided that it was a great idea to work together for the same company and they share their decision.

My brothers did not see anything wrong, I immediately asked, are you sure?
I saw possible problems everywhere. But they said yes and listed a number of advantages.

A couple of weeks later, you guessed it. They discovered that it was not so great after all.

Dad came saying that he was going to quick like he did not need the job or money. When I asked what happened he said that he is too old for his wife to be jealous of him. I immediately regretted asking what happened. Then, my older brother noticed the mood at the dinner table and he asked a simple question and dad went off again and mom went off. My brother did not give them attention and did not comment. I observed everything and listen. I was so stupid.

Mom was hurt because he always so ready to help other co-workers (my father is the supervisor) but he is not quick to look after her and this was one of the things they both wanted. They wanted to work together and look after each other and protect each other so she was angry and hurt.

Dad was angry because he thought she was jealous.

I have to translate each others thoughts and feelings the next day because I had enough of the environment and rants. Then, everything was good again.

I asked my brother advised and why he did not comment. He looked at me and said for the same reason you did. He said it was so obvious that they were arguing about two different things and worse of all, they were both "right". They just never listen. I asked for help to prevent myself from getting involving and helping out. His advice was not helpful because it was not applicable to me but I appreciate his input and he keeps me accountable.

They are so unaware of the unhealthy problem-solving methods that they were shocked when they overheard me saying to my brother the following:

"When friends ask me why I'm so hesitant to get marry or to enter a serious relationship? I start my answer by saying 'if you knew my parents, you would understand better' and then proceed to answer the question"

My mother and father asked me why I would say that. I apologized but I honestly answer that when I see them and other couples, I get scared of ending in a similar situation. I tell them that I understand that not all couples are the same or people in general and that I will not necessarily end up in a bad relationship but it is an instinctual fear to avoid it. I dislike conflicts and I feel unprepared. One day, I will be more ready and have a better approach and I will feel more confident but it is an honest fear.


Can you relate?


I am doing better at distancing myself and letting them figure it out. It is hard to stop the habit but I am staying strong in my conviction. I will most likely use this page to vent and let it out so I can more easily avoid bottling my emotions and letting it affect my mood and productivity. I apologize in advance.